Struggling with sadness and Amy.....

Oh god, I don't even know why I'm writing this but I need to write it down and share it with someone who can understand.
I really feel the urge to cry because of Amy. Maybe I want to cry also because there is so much else in my life where I'm also failing, but it hurts alot when I realize that she is not coming back.
Thought I was doing so fine getting over her death and accepting the way it all ended.
I wanted to take care of her memory - wouldn't waste tears, instead I wanted to be happy because Amy was not a person you were supposed to cry about. Don't think she wanted that.

But I'm so sad lately. That's also why I haven't been here for awhile, not that I think anyone has noticed. Not that it hurts to read about her. I just haven't been on the computer.
I have finally realized that she is dead. She is not coming back. I'll never meet her and tell her how much I have appreciated her music and fantastic personality.
I never got to see her at a concert. Feel like an idiot that I missed it. She can never be replaced.
I'm so happy that I was alive when she was so I got to experience her.

Think my sadness also comes from her new album will come out. I hope there is alot more songs out there and someone is kind to share them, because it will safe my final days.

It is pretty strange that I feel this way. Though I'm living my life. It doesn't stop me or makes me sick mentally. It is nothing serious. I just think I have been living in denial all this time since she died and now I'm finally realizing and it hurts. And I need to share it with someone who understand.

So please, forgive me for this thread. It makes me feel alot better after writing this, but maybe I have to accept that it will never go away. I'll accept her death, but never get over it. Day after day I'll maybe stop crying when I wake up in the morning.... I have dreams without Amy but with her music playing in my head all night. Don't know why.
Last night I dreamed a normal random dream, but Amy influenced it with her song "Just friends" on repeat.

When I finally got to know what killed her it was like a closed chapter. But still, I'm more sad than ever.

Am I alone with this sorrow? Are everyone okay?

Some months after her death I made this video. Nothing special but just as tribute to show respect....
And I wrote to the video:
"I have been grieving a lot after Amy's death. I have been praying for her the last many years. I made this video because of respect and I will delete disrespectful comments.
This is one of my favorite songs by Amy.
The day she died I told myself that she may not be here with us today in person but her spirit will live on in her music.
I love you, Amy. Thanks for many great years of memories and music. Now, rest in peace. Hope there is a jukebox where you are staying. 1983-2011"

All OK Tilde!:smiley: is our gang you always understand, and one is in trouble will not leave :drink:

Amy lives forever.

She is always in the hearts of millions.

Nothing can or will ever change that.

I don't know what to say Tilde but I am sending you a great big hug xx

I felt very sad when the inquest results came out too; same as you really, made it seem real and I realised that she wasn't coming back. To be honest, being on this forum helped me most because it is almost keeping her alive, at least keeping her memory and spirit alive. Like W1nEh0use said, Amy lives forever. She will always be a part of our lives and we should be thankful for that.

Welcome back to the Forum, I hope you feel better soon!

Xx

Thank you so much everybody

I been the same too! Some days are better than the others! Sometimes I feel I'm getting better, then then next day I go back to how I was! But amy will always live forever and will always be on our hearts and mind!

No problem Tild..if you feel better when you write it's not a problem..I understand how you feel.

Thank you for sharing with us Tilde, I hope we can be of some comfort to you here. I admit that hearing the new songs this morning made me cry a bit too, it just hit me again... But like W1nEh0use said, she's not gone, she lives on forever in our hearts, in her music.

*big hugs*

No, you're not alone with that sorrow. I think many of us here are or have been there (I'm having a "God I miss her" day myself today)... I'm glad writing made you feel better, and welcome back to the forum !

PS: I really like the last sentence you wrote to the video, "Hope there is a jukebox where you are staying".

Am I alone with this sorrow? Are everyone okay?

Some months after her death I made this video. Nothing special but just as tribute to show respect....
And I wrote to the video:
"I have been grieving a lot after Amy's death. I have been praying for her the last many years. I made this video because of respect and I will delete disrespectful comments.
This is one of my favorite songs by Amy.
The day she died I told myself that she may not be here with us today in person but her spirit will live on in her music.
I love you, Amy. Thanks for many great years of memories and music. Now, rest in peace. Hope there is a jukebox where you are staying. 1983-2011"

You're definitely not alone. I'm hearing her songs in my head all the time. Amy was SO special. You're young, but I've been listening to music for some time and have heard many popular and jazz artists. I can honestly say there was and is NO ONE like her. It takes a lot to impress me these days, but Amy has gotten to me. I'm frequently sad, but I feel better when I listen to her songs. It's like she's still here, surrounding me with that amazing voice.

I wish I could watch your video, but it's not available over here, but thank you all the same.

Edited by SteveV, 04 November 2011 - 12:49 AM.

Tilde,

strange u should post this. I too had accepted, as hard as it was...and still would have my 'moments' where I would be down but like most here, was able to move through and be thankful for all she gave us in her short years....until just recently.

Anna-Maria and I were talking about this yesterday. I've been incredibly downtrodden. I think there have been alot of emotions stirred up in us recently. First, there were the results of the inquest on the 26th of Oct. we knew the day was coming and somehow it seemed far off then suddenly it was here and after hearing the results, I was so down and blue.

Then the quick and sudden news of the new album, which none of us expected this shortly. excitement but so bittersweet....then to hear her two singles that have been released...which of course are brilliant...it just really hit it out of the ballpark for me. I was having those, "I want her back" selfish moments (and I am not really like that).

alot has happened recently in such a short time frame that has reminded us of the finality, and just missing her so much, losing her, u know what I mean?

it is good to come here. Talking to Anna-Maria yesterday on facebook really cheered me up.

Here, it is a confirmation of feelings in numbers...not so much in my daily life. people just wouldn't 'get it'.

Steve, u always seem to find just the right words. U speak what we all think but can't put down in words...thank u for that.

I feel so horrible these fews days..I really miss Amy..

So horrible to have to belive that someone is gone..

Usally I'm frequently sad but I accepted..it's just somedays like that :s

Tilde i gets ya, (i been wondering where u were), Like Steve, takes alot to impress me, and not just coz of my age, coz i'm a fussy twat, and Amy is only the 2nd person to blow my mind.

Amy truly was unique, a genius and so real and pure in every way, a breath of fresh air, no celeb has ever impacted, touched me, the way Amy did.

Way i felt when i heard she left us, was mad, even tho at the time, i wasn't really a fan, again, coz i don't give anyone a chance, i just stick with 'my' music, remember her from Frank days, just saw a babe with an axe and thought, nah, saw pix in press, when she 1st changed appreance and the fuss in press, always read it.

Then, all the shit in the papers started, again i can't be arsed with all the celeb stuff, holds no interest, so i didn't take note, just disregarded, nothin personal, just me bein me, used to think she was an idiot, coz thats all u got to see of her, i knew she was brilliant, and everyone was goin mad bout her, i don't like what everyone else does, so still didn't bother, guess alot of ppl did that.

But, when she passed, what i felt shocked me, i was angry at her, n cried on the spot, was like whats up with me, i've never cried over a celeb death, was/am proper gutted, then checked her out proper, and totally fell in love wth her, i won't have a bad word said bout her, lol, she really was just somethin else, on every level, as a person and as a musician.

Knowin what she went thru in her life at certain times, i've never felt such compassion for for a celeb, wanted to give her a hug, tell her she's loved, gutted i never got to see her live, got to meet her, but i can't change anything, and at least i found her now, rather than never, and i've met some cool, lovely, funny ppl on here coz of Amy.

It seems so wrong that she's gone, every now n then, it does my head in, she shd still be here, makin us laugh n givin us eargasmz .

Weird that she is gone, i try look at it like she went on holiday and retired, but she's keepin any eye on us lot n pissin herself at us, theres so much to remind us of her, her music, quirks, pix, theres alot to smile about, n i'm grateful for havin her and for touchin me the way she has.

Love her to bits, my kind of person, God Bless her, miss u girl, keep throwin us all winks n keepin us smilin.

Thanx to all u lot, hugs n love to u all n Hang on in there, we all got each other n out funny threads, memories of our girl. xxx

Edited by Amysanchorcat, 05 November 2011 - 02:11 PM.

^ wow. where's my tissues. big hug.