We heart Winehouse and think she should be drafted in for Girls Aloud's next round of interview training.
She talked at Popjustice down the phone the other week for something that wasn't Popjustice and, in tried-and-tested, reheated leftover Popjustice fashion, here's some stuff there wasn't room for.
Winehouse! 'Fuck Me Pumps' is your new single. But 'Fuck Me' has been taken off. Is this a fiasco or not?
Well the single's actually 'Fuck Me Pumps' with 'Help..' 'Help?' No, seriously, help me. No, 'Help Yourself' is on the other side of it. In the video I mouth the words 'Fuck me', but they took the audio out in the edit! The first time I saw it I was, like, 'Fuck! Where's my 'fuck'?! I say 'fuck' there!' I'd love them to run it on CD:UK with the 'fuck' in. But they won't.
The only other person on the planet who uses the word 'pumps' is our dad. What else do you have in common with our dad?
We probably have a lot in common. We both love you.
What would you do in an earthquake?
In an earthquake? Now, that is when everything starts shaking. Earthquakes aren't really that bad though, are they? They're not like hurricanes. You'd just get shook up, then go about your business.
Unless you die.
Well in that case you are just about there for the rest of your life, yes. (?!) Well, your life is over, really. Shame. But if it was a minor earthquake? I'd probably run around saying, 'It's an earthquake. It's an earthquake'. And then I would tell people not to worry. People do like to get hysterical sometimes, don't they?
On an Olympic 'tip', if you were to run a 100m sprint against a badger, who would win?
Is the badger a smoker?
It gave up a couple of years ago.
Really? Hm. Well, the badger would win. I'm a big weed smoker, I don't really smoke cigarettes. If you add it up I suppose I smoke about ten cigarettes a day.
The new Girls Aloud single is called 'Love Machine'. Is this a good name for a song?
I think that's a fucking brilliant name for a song. Well done, girls. Well, they didn't have to think of it themselves, but well done for being there when you were being told what the song was being called. Well done them. I can't even hear that shit, to be honest. It won't even go in my ears.
If you managed Sam & Mark, what would you do with them right now?
I'd fire them out of canons, at each other. At really close range.
Do you wish you were still in your comedy Salt & Pepa-type group of yesteryear?
I was like ten years old! My and my friend loved Salt & Pepa. We formed a band called Sweet & Sour. We had a tune called 'Spinderalla' which was great. They were like real women, you know what I mean? But it was a long time ago.
Daniel Bedingfield has had a bed shop named after him. Are you going to have a comedy wine emporium invented in your honour?
(Gasps) Yes, I should. I should just open them myself. There are just so many jokes there. And they're all really funny. And you know why I think they're funny? Cos they are. That's why.
And finally, the Popjustice keyboard wrist rest thing recently exploded, and there's horrible gel stuff all over our desk. Using skills picked up during your time as a secretary , could you order us a new one?
Well, I was the sort of secretary where it'd be, 'Amy, make me a cup of tea', 'No, fuck off'. You should call Rymans for their catalogue. Hang on, are you taking the piss out of me? You fucker! Really? Call Rymans. Or... Are you being serious? Just go to another secretary and get her to order it. You were taking the piss, weren't you?
No we weren't. But thank you, Amy...