7 replies to this topic

[Moonvenue]

Hi everyone, I've never really posted about Amy or talked to anyone about her before, and I don't know if this is the right place in the forums to post this, if not please let me know. I've been a huge fan of hers for years and since she died I have felt mostly just sadness in regards to her. I always have felt that she deserved more happiness and should have gotten more out of life. I'm sure anyone who is a fan of hers can relate to that. But recently I started to get overwhelmed thinking about her and her life and death, so much so that I had to take down a poster I had up of her and stop listening to her music for a while, and can't look at any pictures of her. I feel a pit in my stomach and it kind of freaks me out because I have only ever felt adoration of her when she was alive, and sadness now that she's gone, but right now I feel almost angry at her for dying. I really feel crazy lol, I'm mad at a dead person who I didn't even know. I just wish she could've done better for herself. I don't mean to sound harsh. I think I just really miss her. I deal with mental health issues, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, and I could relate heavily to a lot of what Amy seemed to have gone through with her relationships and decision making, it's part of why I love her so much. The anniversary of her death is coming up and it just brings up all these feelings again and I wanted to talk to some people who love her too and see what you guys are feeling. Do you ever get overwhelmed when thinking of her, or am I being overly emotional? Lol

[pattieboyd2]

Yeh, I feel an incredible sense of loss sometimes.  Most of the time she still seems alive to me through her music and videos but then the enormity of her loss will hit me at unexpected moments and it just seems unbelievable and wrong that she is gone.  It's like there are two Amys, the superstar who will live on forever, and then the girl who used to walk around Camden who will never be seen again.

[jess527]

I feel the same. It's completely overwhelming. I feel SO crazy sometimes and I get frustrated at myself because like you said, I didn't even know her personally. I didn't discover her until about a year and a half ago and it really messed me up and I'm still trying to process and accept it. It doesn't help that with her music, performances, interviews, etc it's so easy to keep her alive and to step into her world and be right there with her, until the video ends and as high as I felt in the moment, that's how low I feel afterwards. It's really hard for me to express myself, I feel like I could write a whole book about her in my mind and then when I sit down to actually write what I'm thinking, I can't come up with the words. But I wanted to respond to this post to let you know that you are NOT crazy or wrong for feeling this way and if you are, then I am right there with you, or even crazier probably. And thanks for sharing because it helps me to feel less alone in the emotional turmoil that she causes me. If you ever want to talk about her or anything at all, I'm here.

[YouShouldBeStrongerThanMe]

When Amy died, I actually stopped listening to her music for four years. I cried every time I read about her, watched videoes. I always wished her the best, and her death felt so wrong. I can relate to your post. Amy's death is a huge loss, it still hurts.

[Moonvenue]

Thank you guys for responding, I feel less crazy hearing that you all have similar feelings. It feels like going through stages of grief, but it's never ending. Just constantly changing and getting worse and better at times.

[Moonvenue]

When Amy died, I actually stopped listening to her music for four years. I cried every time I read about her, watched videoes. I always wished her the best, and her death felt so wrong. I can relate to your post. Amy's death is a huge loss, it still hurts.

 

 

I feel the same. It's completely overwhelming. I feel SO crazy sometimes and I get frustrated at myself because like you said, I didn't even know her personally. I didn't discover her until about a year and a half ago and it really messed me up and I'm still trying to process and accept it. It doesn't help that with her music, performances, interviews, etc it's so easy to keep her alive and to step into her world and be right there with her, until the video ends and as high as I felt in the moment, that's how low I feel afterwards. It's really hard for me to express myself, I feel like I could write a whole book about her in my mind and then when I sit down to actually write what I'm thinking, I can't come up with the words. But I wanted to respond to this post to let you know that you are NOT crazy or wrong for feeling this way and if you are, then I am right there with you, or even crazier probably. And thanks for sharing because it helps me to feel less alone in the emotional turmoil that she causes me. If you ever want to talk about her or anything at all, I'm here.

 

 

Yeh, I feel an incredible sense of loss sometimes.  Most of the time she still seems alive to me through her music and videos but then the enormity of her loss will hit me at unexpected moments and it just seems unbelievable and wrong that she is gone.  It's like there are two Amys, the superstar who will live on forever, and then the girl who used to walk around Camden who will never be seen again.

I meant to quote all of you in my previous post, so I'll just do it now. I'm not familiar with forums so bear with me lol. Like I said thanks for responding!

[JustPassingThrough]

Hi, friend. I've just registered in this forum to give you an answer (or maybe tell you about my case). I guess I couldn't consider myself a fan of Amy, since I've never heard her before, although I know almost every detail about her life.

 

I was also diagnosed with a mental disorder (OCD), and it's not the first time I get obsessed with a woman - and I'm a woman. Last June I lived for a month in Camden Town for work purposes and decided to visit the outside of the house where she passed away, just for curiosity. Since then I began to look for pics and videos about her on the Internet compulsively, and I got obsessed with her -because of her abilities, charm and beauty, I suppose, but, above of all, because I found something in her that I haven't got and want to, and something that I have too and don't want to. They were probably the worst two weeks of my life: I couldn't help looking for more pics and videos; I couldn't even stop to keep singing her songs on my mind every day; I didn't want to eat, I barely slept; I dind't get pleasure doing the things I like to anymore (except from drinking beer) and I couldn't even work. I guess I was depressed. I wanted to take drugs and to hurt myself - like she seemed to do. It did not help to live in Camden, because I "meet" with her everytime I walked. I also got obsessed with death, with the way she passed away, and I just want to die every f*cking day too. I had begun to love her and to feel pity, but then I also began to hate her because she died six years ago, and to be jealous of her. I knew that it was my mind, and not her, because, as you said, "I'm mad at a dead person who I didn't even know". I'm very aware that I sublimate her. I guess that our personality makes us to feel overwhelmed (like she felt probably with Blake), and that the only way is to help ourselves.

 

I'm still trying unsuccessfully to stop looking for pics and reading about her, but time has passed and I feel a little better now. I don't know if there is something in these lines that you can identify with, but I think I have partly empathised with you. Try not to feel bad about that, I guess it's just that we are very sensitive persons. We all have to struggle with our demons.

 

Edit: I've just noticed that some of you are women too. If it is true, I would be glad to know I'm not alone in this

[Moonvenue]

Hi, friend. I've just registered in this forum to give you an answer (or maybe tell you about my case). I guess I couldn't consider myself a fan of Amy, since I've never heard her before, although I know almost every detail about her life.

 

I was also diagnosed with a mental disorder (OCD), and it's not the first time I get obsessed with a woman - and I'm a woman. Last June I lived for a month in Camden Town for work purposes and decided to visit the outside of the house where she passed away, just for curiosity. Since then I began to look for pics and videos about her on the Internet compulsively, and I got obsessed with her -because of her abilities, charm and beauty, I suppose, but, above of all, because I found something in her that I haven't got and want to, and something that I have too and don't want to. They were probably the worst two weeks of my life: I couldn't help looking for more pics and videos; I couldn't even stop to keep singing her songs on my mind every day; I didn't want to eat, I barely slept; I dind't get pleasure doing the things I like to anymore (except from drinking beer) and I couldn't even work. I guess I was depressed. I wanted to take drugs and to hurt myself - like she seemed to do. It did not help to live in Camden, because I "meet" with her everytime I walked. I also got obsessed with death, with the way she passed away, and I just want to die every f*cking day too. I had begun to love her and to feel pity, but then I also began to hate her because she died six years ago, and to be jealous of her. I knew that it was my mind, and not her, because, as you said, "I'm mad at a dead person who I didn't even know". I'm very aware that I sublimate her. I guess that our personality makes us to feel overwhelmed (like she felt probably with Blake), and that the only way is to help ourselves.

 

I'm still trying unsuccessfully to stop looking for pics and reading about her, but time has passed and I feel a little better now. I don't know if there is something in these lines that you can identify with, but I think I have partly empathised with you. Try not to feel bad about that, I guess it's just that we are very sensitive persons. We all have to struggle with our demons.

 

Edit: I've just noticed that some of you are women too. If it is true, I would be glad to know I'm not alone in this

I'm glad to hear you are doing better now.  It's easier for some people to get wrapped up in others lives I guess. Hopefully you found some comfort in hearing that you aren't alone. Tons of people miss Amy, she was a very captivating person so it isn't surprising.