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[Uno]

In August 2004 Amy did a phone interview with Peter Robinson for his 'Versus' column in NME Magazine. The image of the interview photo is somewhat hard to read, so I posted the actual text down below it, enjoy! 




Peter Robinson Versus The Mercury-Nominated Amy Winehouse ....

Hello, the Mercury-nominated Amy Winehouse. Have you practised your 'gracious defeat' smile in case you lose?
"Oh, no. I'll just look fucking miserable. I don't think I deserve to win. I don't even deserve a kick in the teeth. But if whoever wins is shit, I will look pissed off. If it's someone good, my face will say, 'Go ahead, with your gangsta self.' Did you see my face when Lemar won at the Brits? That was hilarious! Ask me difficult stuff! Nobody's ever nasty to me!"

Why haven't you sold more records?
"That's a good one. That's a very good question. Do you know how many records I've sold?"

Isn't it somewhere in the realms of 'not as many as people think'?
"I have sold 15 records. And my dad made people buy ten of them! I've sold nothing compared with other people. I don't really know. I suppose my music isn't pop music and it's difficult to label."

But that doesn't explain why you haven't sold more records.
Well, the record company haven't put... actually they have put a lot of money into it. No, it's me. It's my fault. I'm shit. Yeah. They did the best they could with a deadweight like me, but it didn't work.

How do your management approach you differently from managing Darius?
They don't do anything! I just manage them. I'm being serious. I'm a very self-dependant person and Darius... oh I don't fucking know about Darius."

When you were a comedy showbiz hack at an entertainment website, how many stories did you make up?
"Oh, I used to make up stories all day. I used to work the night shift and I used to have to write stories around quotes. And they'd always pick boring quotes! So I'd go, 'That's shit'. Lets use this quote where she goes, 'I don't want to be nobody's bitch'. So it'd be headline: 'Posh: I don't want to be nobody's bitch'. First paragraph: 'Posh said today that she never wanted to be someone's bitch'. Second paragraph: 'The lanky bitch who said she didn't want to be anyone's bitch spoke out at a benefit for bitches'. New paragraph: 'I don't want to be nobody's bitch', she said. Easy, job done."

Who was in your year at the Sylvia Young Theatre School?
"Well, I was there for about a year and a half and I was in a class with Matt out of Busted who I fucking love and who every pop star should be like... and Billie Piper. She was lovely too. There's not many people who will make shit music and I'll still say they're nice. But she's one of them. She's actually fucking lovely."

Obviously, if fate had intervened, she cold be Mercury-nominated and you cold be Dr Who's new assistant.
"That's very true. I can't act, though. What do yo have to do?"

Run around, breasts skimbo, then scream a bit and get kidnapped.
"I'd be shit at that. Very shit. I should be Dr Who! I want to be the star!"

Why do so many people hate you?
"Because I hate so many people. And I really hate people who don't take music seriously and yet still make music. That is a disgusting thing. Most people are like that. This has been a very pressing interview. I feel like you've torn me apart a bit. You've broken me down. Well done."

Has anyone pointed out the similarity between your new single 'Fuck Me Pumps' and 'Winter Wonderland', and which is best?
"Eh? No. (Sings a bit) Oh my god. You're right. Thanks for alerting me to that. I like that Christmas song, though. I'd say 'Winter Wonderland' is best. Are we going to McDonald's?"

Now?
"Sorry, I'm talking to my driver. I'm about to go into McDonald's. I'm in Camden. Can I just order! (Order goes like this: 'Hi, can I have a Big Mac meal, please, with vanilla shake. No, just medium, please.. And six McNuggets to go, please. Can I have a curry sauce and a barbecue sauce, please! HOW much?') Pete! They charge 10p for sauces now! You get one free sauce, then they charge you for every one after that! I can't get back in the car! I'm going to be run over! (Pause) You know you need to employ me for your magazine, right? I want a column. Where I just cuss everyone. It will be called 'Straight From The House's Mouth: Amy Winehouse Cusses Down All You Pop Bastards'. My first column would be about... hang on! That fucker didn't give me any barbecue sauce! Do you pay well? You probably make more than I do.  I've got about £20,000 in the bank. (Pause) Of course I fucking don't!"

How about you come in and do some work experience?
"I'd fucking love to do work experience at NME! Seriously! You wont even have to pay me!"

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FYI
♥ Amy was disappointed that NME didn't review her Glastonbury set, but then again she wasn't that bothered
♥ She wants Ty to win the Mercury Music Prize
♥ She wants us to point out that she is "a real musician and not some sort of fucking joke girl"