20 replies to this topic

[lnz]

For me, Amy couldn't have passed at a worse time. She passed the weekend before I was to take the Bar exam, which is, for those who don't know, the exam you have to pass in order to be a lawyer in the States. Just to give you an idea, you spend 10+ hours a day, every day, for over 2 months studying for this 3 day, 6 hour a day exam. Needless to say, I needed to be focused.

So, Amy simply could not be dead. She had to be alive. I was here studying and she was in Camden, doing Amy things, the way Amy does. I played an Amy song between each practice exam I did. I pulled out all of my old posters I hadn't bothered putting up since I moved apartments, and put my Amy posters up on the wall. I pulled out my collection of Amy magazines and put them out to see. She simply was not dead to me. She could not be dead. It was all lies. She was alive. In my head, she was as alive as could be.

Then, the night before the last day of my exam, I couldn't sleep. Naturally, I read the updates on Amy. I saw the video of her body being carried out. I read about her picking out a dress for a friend's wedding. I looked at the photos from her funeral. I read rumors that she quit drinking and the withdrawals killed her. And I lost it.

Since then, hearing her voice is like a stab in the chest. I can't believe she's gone. I can't believe I'll never be able to look forward to a new Amy album or ever see her perform live. I wanted so badly for her to win her battles, for her to bounce back better than she was before, and I knew she could. But now she'll never get the chance. She'll never get the chance to shove everything bad everyone ever said about her back down their throats, and that kills me.

tl;dr - yes, I feel it getting worse. much worse.

[W1nEh0use]

Went to the supermarket today.

There were rows of glossy magazines with Aimster's beautiful face looking out.

Also noticed both Frank and Back To Black were now included with 'Recommended' stickers on them and each priced at £5.

I wept inside.

:'-(

[Lainey]

Yes. I still can't believe it. It's not real to me. At all. The first day I posted (the day she died) I was in a fog - of complete denial. My posts that day were strangely detached - looking back on them.

It was weird. Hit me the next day, however. And it seems to be hitting me harder every day.

[Mike from NY]

Very much. I really do feel that she would have eventually gotten control of her demons and come out the other side stronger than before but sadly that will never happen now.

[Divine_Comedy]

I listened to 'Back to Black' for the first time since her passing, I must say, this is the greatest damn album I've ever heard. Not one song deserves a skipping. Seriously, if she could give us anything it's this. It's been difficult too, cause everything's so raw and in depth, but it's perfect. Frank, I've been listening too all week, I feel such a connection with it personally with my situations as of now. Honestly, even though she's gone I will never tire of these songs. She's brought something greater to my life and nothing can ever replace that. Her music has mused my entire life as of the past 4 years. I am so happy with what she's given me, without knowing her at all. It makes me feel ok knowing someone has gone through the same thing. She was more than a singer to me, she was my center. I cherish the time I spent listening to her songs, the mean even more to me now. God bless you all, you deserve the best. xxo

[BeehiveQueen]

I just read this thread for the first time since Amy died.
Now that it's been over 2 years how do I feel?

I feel like we still lost our friend, songbird, innovater and style icon.
Truth is I feel even worse having come to know her family---it's easy to feel sad for a loss---
It's just been hard to see them working through it---I suppose I wish we weren't all brought together by a loss.

It's still just as heartbreaking.