103 replies to this topic

[Jaede~]

GUILT-RACKED Blake Fielder-Civil last night sensationally admitted HE got wife Amy Winehouse hooked on heroin, crack cocaine and self-harm—and vowed to end their marriage to stop her killing herself.


Breaking down in tears, Blake told the News of the World: “ I dragged Amy into it and without me there is no doubt that she would never have gone down that road. I ruined something beautiful.

“Now I have to let her go to save her life. I am not abandoning her. I am doing this out of love.”

You can hear excerpts from Blake's taped interview by clicking on the video player above. He finally took the blame for the pitiful state the Back to Black singer is in as she recovered in hospital from what her spokesman claimed was a “reaction to medication”.

Blake, who is in a rehab clinic as a condition of his early jail release, sobbed: “I have had to live with that for the past year that I have been in prison and I have got so much remorse.

“I feel like killing myself. I feel like f***** dying.”

In an explosive interview Blake revealed how Amy, 25:

ASKED him to let her try crack cocaine as she watched him taking it.

CUT her arms after she saw him self harm.

COLLAPSED with a seizure after an all-day drug binge.

CHEATED on him with her manager’s assistant.

He told how Amy only took cannabis before he introduced her to hard drugs.

“I made the biggest mistake of my life by taking heroin in front of her,” said Blake.

“I introduced her to heroin, crack cocaine and self-harming. I feel more than guilty.”

Blake, 26, described himself as a “recreational drug user” until he started taking heroin at the age of 22.

“I was old enough to know better. Heroin and crack took hold of me and f***** me up,” he said.

“It made me not look out for the woman that I love more than anyone else in the world.”

Blake confessed: “The first time Amy took crack she asked me, ‘Can I try a bit of that’.

“Crack is the nastiest drug. It makes you paranoid, unreasonable, edgy and totally suspicious of everyone.
"And you can get hooked on it straight away. But I was weak and an addict and I let Amy take some.

“I didn’t stop it from happening. For that I take full responsibility. It became something we did as well as heroin.

“And then our lives fell apart.”

They hit rock bottom in the summer of 2007, when Amy almost died in front of him.

Blake said: “I was there when Amy suffered her first seizure. I still break down thinking about it. We had been taking drugs all day long — heroin and crack.

“We started early and finished late. We didn’t really think to stop. We both pushed things too much. I wanted to just disappear on drugs and not remember a thing. And while I was getting out of my head, I wasn’t thinking that I was taking somebody with me.

“Then my wife, who I love with all my heart and soul, just started shaking violently in front of me.

“I started crying and I lay her down in the recovery position.

“I cleared her airways to make sure she wasn’t choking.

“But her jaw was closed tight.

“I tried to stop her from biting her tongue when she was on the floor.
"It was heartbreaking, seeing someone you love more than yourself, someone you would die for, someone you would kill for on the floor shaking.”

When Amy came round she “went hysterical and mad” not even recognising her husband.

Blake grimaced: “I will go to my grave with that picture of Amy asking me, ‘Who are you? Who are you?’

“She didn’t know who I was. I told Amy, ‘I’m your husband’.

“I knew f***ing then that I had ruined something beautiful. It was all my fault. It was the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my life.”

He and Amy started to self-harm as he faced up to the prospect of going to jail for GBH and perverting the course of justice.

“I knew that I was going to jail. I thought I would go away for four or five years,” said Blake, who was actually sentenced to 27 months, going free on November 5.

“I just couldn’t believe that after our wonderful marriage — the happiest day of my life — we were going to be torn apart.
"I felt inadequate. I felt unworthy of Amy. I felt that she should be with some other pop star or film star. Not be with some little chav from Camden.

“I cut my arms after we fell out over doing too much drugs and losing sight of ourselves.

“Amy got really upset about seeing me bleeding. And because she’s loyal and f****d up over our love — like Romeo and Juliet — she cut her arms too.

“I had to get her stitched up.”

While Blake was in Pentonville Prison , Amy confessed she’d had sex with geeky Alex Haines, her manager’s assistant.

Blake revealed: “They started taking heroin and crack. And temptation just got the better of the pair of them.

“They kicked my heart around the prison. It was very embarrassing, very hurtful.

“I would like to say it was Alex’s fault. I don’t like the thought of Amy being weak and being taken advantage of. But I can’t really see him taking advantage of anyone.”

Despite the humiliation, Fielder Civil quickly forgave his wife. “When Amy confessed to me about Alex she was crying.

“I asked her: ‘Do you still love me?’ She cried and told me, ‘Yes, Yes, Yes.’

“So I forgave her and said, ‘It’s fine. You don’t love him. You love me. I’m in prison but I’ll be out soon. Don’t worry. We’ll get through it’.”

But now he says he WON’T be going back to her when he leaves rehab on December 30.

“Now the most dignified thing I can ever do in my life is to release somebody I love from my f***ing grasp, from my clutches.

“When I see pictures of Amy and the state she’s in it tears my heart out. I just want to pick her up and help her.

“But I can’t — because I’m the man who caused it all. It scares me to death that I can’t fix Amy.

“But for her recovery I have to leave her alone.”

He added: “I will never stop wanting Amy and loving her and craving her. More than anything I am addicted to Amy.

“I will do anything for her — and that includes walking away.

“If something bad happened to Amy now I would KILL myself without a question.”

Blake, a music video assistant, furiously denied he was planning a divorce so he could get a share of Amy’s £10 million fortune.

“I’m not interested in her money,” he said. “I always offered to do a pre-nuptial agreement before we got married.

“And if Amy wants a divorce I’m not going to fight her for anything. It’s going to be the saddest day of my life.

“But it doesn’t matter if I turn up in the divorce court homeless and with no shoes on, I’m not taking a single penny off her.”

He also denied Amy’s claims that he had fallen for German model Sophie Schandorff.

“That girl used to go out with a friend of mine,” he said. “Me and Amy went with her and her boyfriend on holiday together.

“Now she appears to be making out that she is my girlfriend.

“That’s total b******ks. She just seems to want to get her face in the papers. Sophie Schandorff means nothing to me and never has.”

Blake insists he is now free from the grip of drugs.“Yes I’m clean. Yes I’m off drugs. But I don’t deserve to be clean.

“I don’t deserve to be the one in rehab. Amy does. Amy deserves to be in here, getting clean, getting ready for a fresh start in life.

“I do not deserve to be in here when someone I love is suffering. I deserve to be in the f****** gutter.”

Although he’s clean now, he fears if he gets back together with Amy he’ll soon be hooked again.

Blake adds: “There are still reasons that Amy and I don’t like to be sober and if I go back to her I am basically saying, ‘It’s all right to kill yourself Amy’.

“Even if I was strong enough to resist drugs — and I’m not — it’s a ticking timebomb.”

“I accept that there is every horrible, horrible chance that I could be tempted to take drugs again if I went back to Amy.

“I’m distraught and can’t stop crying. I can’t believe that because of drugs I’m going to lose my soulmate.

“Without crack and heroin Amy would be making beautiful music and I would be doing my video production job and we’d both be so happy. But because of drugs it’s all gone.”

Blake—additonal excerpts of his interview can be heard by clicking on our video link above —desperately wants his wife to get help.

“Amy has lost her way. I think she is unaware of how poorly she has been and how vulnerable and fragile she is.

“She is 25 years old, a fantastic singer and has another 20 albums coming out of her if she can sort herself out.”

“I know drug dealers are still supplying her.

“It’s just amazing that the police haven’t stopped them.

“But how can a criminal comment on the Old f***ing Bill.

“I just wish someone would do something.”

Blake has unlikely dreams of a day when he and Amy could live together free from the horror of drug abuse.

He says wistfully: “My fantasy is that one day fate might bring us back together when Amy is clean. In an ideal world me and Amy would live together in a nice house with our two kids and all of this would be a distant f****** memory.

“That would be my dream.

“What people don’t realise is that Amy is an amazing wife, an amazing home-maker and a beautiful figure in the home.

“You would be surprised the domestic bliss you can have with Amy just doing the cooking and caring for you.

“But because of drugs we can’t have a normal life together. That’s why I have to let her go.”

Truly Sad....

http://www.newsofthe...o-a-junkie.html

[brando]

dont even know what to say except maybe i'm very very naive but that really broke my heart.
i wish them both the best luck in the world and hope the best voice of a generation gets up again and goes back to being the legend we all know she is. with or without the other half. thats all

[Alan48]

Well good. But why's he saying this, except to try to get her to change her poor little mind? I admire his honesty, but I doubt his sincerity.

[Lainey]

hmmmmm........... interesting. He seems to have accepted that he'll never stop taking drugs, which is sad. Just got to remember, it is the NOTW.

I wonder if he means a word of it. I'm not convinced that he does. I'm just not buying the bit about how he's letting her go because he loves her so much. Oh, well. We'll see.

[Emi]

I feel really sad reading this.
This is surprising for me, i never like him, but this is fnally a good gesture from him. The first step in everything is accept the real thing, and how he mess up Amy. Anyway Amy is an adult and nobody force her to do anything.
The only thing that i don´t understand is why he keep talking about love! My good! that´s not love, u donlt hurt the one u love fuck!!!!!!!!!!! That made me real angry!! That´s an inmature love... But I hope that he has been real with all that he says and if it is, that this could be the first step for better times for Amy.

Edited by Emi, 30 November 2008 - 01:12 AM.

[antceleb12]

I truly believe that the two love each other without a doubt. I honestly hope that Blake meant that because that was the best thing he could have ever said. If I was Amy and I had heard that, I would ran right over to rehab without a second's delay, and stay there til I didn't know what drugs were anymore. If that's true, you go Blake. God bless you both, and good luck...

[Wino]

i think it's very very good of blake to walk away because he knows it's the only way to save amy, it would seem. i do hope they both get clean, or in blake's case - stay clean! i hope he can stay off drugs. he sounds sincere in that sound clip. i hope amy can finally get off the drugs now.

[lyricgenius]

He's saying all the things I would want him to say. I'm surprised to be hearing it. I hope he means it. Not sure how to square this with him trying to appeal his sentence recently though.

It does make for very poignant reading.

I ruined something beautiful.

Sums it up in an awful nutshell.

“What people don’t realise is that Amy is an amazing wife, an amazing home-maker and a beautiful figure in the home.

“You would be surprised the domestic bliss you can have with Amy just doing the cooking and caring for you.

No, that doesn't surprise me one bit. I can envision it easily. The guy really did have a piece of heaven in his grasp and he managed to kick it away.

[pearljo]

Tune in next week for another episode of Love on the Rocks, The Blake and Amy Story.

[Emi]

No, that doesn't surprise me one bit. I can envision it easily. The guy really did have a piece of heaven in his grasp and he managed to kick it away.

well say it Dave

[Alan48]

Reminded me of Dylan:

I Threw It All Away

I once held her in my arms,
She said she would always stay.
But I was cruel,
I treated her like a fool,
I threw it all away.
Once I had mountains in the palm of my hand,
And rivers that ran through ev'ry day.
I must have been mad,
I never knew what I had,
Until I threw it all away.
Love is all there is, it makes the world go 'round,
Love and only love, it can't be denied.
No matter what you think about it
You just won't be able to do without it.
Take a tip from one who's tried.
So if you find someone that gives you all of her love,
Take it to your heart, don't let it stray,
For one thing that's certain,
You will surely be a-hurtin',
If you throw it all away.

[erickonasis]

I knew it was all this dudes fault all along...I just knew it..Good to see the rehab actually is helping him see clearer tho..Hes on the first step to recovery surprisingly

[antceleb12]

I know he pulled an awfly stupid move by screwing over what seems to him as the best thing to happen to him, but I feel bad for the guy. I believe he's trying to get better now, and I want to see them both get better and get back to gether again.

[Jaede~]

I wish Amy would read this and push herself to get clean. From the start of their relationship I knew something was up. I knew Blake was the one that influenced amy to start using drugs. If he really did let Amy go I hope it's for better, but in a way I think thier meant for each other.

[erickonasis]

but in a way I think thier meant for each other.

They probably dont know each other that well because they probably havent spent normal time together to find out what each of them are really like