68 replies to this topic

[Katausa]

I couldn't watch that performance either. The pictures of that night told the whole story already. I followed Amy for many, many years, and this was definatly a low. But was she happy before this? That's not what I'm thinking.

She didn't just lose it that one night, she wasn't just 'drunk'. This wasn't just an addiction you know. She was hopelessly unhappy with herself and/or her life for whatever reason. I can see so much of myself in Amy. Depression isn't an easy illness. I am battling it myself. I know that once it's in your life, it's like it's just waiting behind the corner to fight the only positive feelings you have left. It will hit you - no matter how hard you fight it. It can be a sunny day in the morning, and before lunch time, you could be in the dark again, thinking about dieing, reaching for a bottle filled with alcohol. Every second you're awake becomes a quest. It's a vicious cycle. It's hard to break through it, if it's even possible.

Of course I still wonder WHY she was on stage. I can't believe nobody backstage tried to just lock her in their arms and keep her from performing. It was such a sad thing to see. What makes me even more upset is that the whole world sees this perfomace as her last, and will always remember it because of that. It's not just one of that cancelled performances or any other occasion when she appeared under the influence.

Yes, she was an adult. She WAS responsible for what she was doing. But she was lost. Her soul was bruised. She died on the inside a long time ago and this was her last cry. That's just how I see it.

Edited by Katausa, 08 March 2012 - 08:39 PM.

[Miss Mermaid]

[/COLOR]

Of course I still wonder WHY she was on stage. I can't believe nobody backstage tried to just lock her...
Yes, she was an adult. She WAS responsible for what she was doing. But she was lost. Her soul was bruised. She died on the inside a long time ago and this was her last cry. That's just how I see it.

I am not saying it her fault in a nasty way. What annoys me is that at the start of this thread some people want to blame everyone for that night thus relieving any responsibilty from amy.

again i am going to sound harsh - you think most of those people in charge of those shows cared about her welfare???? they wanted to earn money and alot of it so she would go on that stage at any cost.

sorry - but its an awful world out there.

Edited by Miss Mermaid, 08 March 2012 - 09:44 PM.

[pearljo]

I am not saying it her fault in a nasty way. What annoys ......??????

[Miss Mermaid]

I am not saying it her fault in a nasty way. What annoys ......??????

my internet cut off - i have edited my post - so it makes more sense now xx

---------- Post added at 11:49 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:44 PM ----------

also wasnt her Dad quoted as saying he went with her to rehab on 7 separate occasions? The man tried. What can you do at the end of the day?

one more thing; as cliche as it sounds i do think that she was a tortured genuis.

Edited by Miss Mermaid, 08 March 2012 - 10:00 PM.

[Jayne]

We have witnessed on many occasions Amy being drunk onstage but in my opinion Belgrade was different. Probably because she was clean of hard drugs, I think it was a mixture of prescribed drugs and alcohol. I to blamed her management and bandmates but they had been through this time and time again did they really know how bad it was going to be when she finally got onstage and that this time she didn't pull it off. It was really sad to watch and it's so sad that this was her final performance.

Then you have to remember that Amy was an adult and she agreed to these performances so ultimately she was responsble for what happened.

[pearljo]

If you look up tortured genius in the dictionary you might see Amy's picture.

If I were Mitch, I probably would have tried rehab once, maybe twice. I know this territory and if Amy didn't want to quit herself, Mitch could have sent her 50 times. You would think, oh, nice Mitch, bad Amy. I would think, wake up Mitch. If Amy wants to drink herself to death, and she did. There's nothing you can do and you have to realize that nothing is in your control.

The biggest mistake Amy made in her life was take her very first drink. The disease was waiting.

Bill Graham, the legendary promoter, was an even bigger legendary asshole. I would love to hear what he would have done with Amy that night if he was part of her organization. Maybe he would have done just what was done. But even assholes slip up occasionally and say, we're going to take a bath on this one but Amy will not be singing tonight. Then he may have fired Amy which could have saved her life.

Honestly, I don't know what happened that night and it was probably a very rush-rush confusing split second decision and maybe whoever made it knew 2 seconds later that it was wrong.

Kind of like the mindset that put JFK in a convertible. Hindsight is 20-20.

[Jayne]

It will be interesting to see if Mitch talks about Belgrade in his book.

[pearljo]

I know we tend to disagree on some details but I know we all agree on one thing. We just wish she never would have gone. It would be great to still be having discussions about what the Daily Mail invented this week. Or whether her ass looked bigger today or were her legs just skinnier? Or noting that she did a great job with the eyeliner today. Or maybe watch as her and Reg just keep getting closer. Or why does Zalon sing over Ade's line? Or wasn't that the coolest outfit except for her panties showing and a boob sticking out. Or maybe hear her take on losing Whitney and how grateful she was that she got help. On and on. We lost everything, all of it.

[Nasha]

I don't know what happened in Belgrade, I don't know if we'll ever know what happened (I agree, @Jayne, it'll be interesting to see if Mitch talks about it in his book). Like I already wrote in another thread, I can't watch the Belgrade videos either. I've tried a couple of times, it's absolutely gut-wrenching. Couldn't take it for more than 30s or 1 minute. But like you said, @Katausa, the pictures of that night tell the whole story... She shouldn't have been on that stage. She needed help. Yes, she was a grown-up, responsible of her own actions, yes she had agreed to these shows... But she was also in the grips of addiction, and in deep emotional distress and so out of it that night... I know she was the first one to say "I can't help you if you won't help yourself". I know hindsight is 20-20. But I wish someone had stopped/ canceled the concert. I know it's an awful cynical world out there, and I don't know why those who could have stopped/canceled the concert didn't... Money, contracts to fulfill, or just bad last minute decisions, I don't know... How, why, what if, I can't help it... So many questions left unanswered...

I know we tend to disagree on some details but I know we all agree on one thing. We just wish she never would have gone. It would be great to still be having discussions about what the Daily Mail invented this week. Or whether her ass looked bigger today or were her legs just skinnier? Or noting that she did a great job with the eyeliner today. Or maybe watch as her and Reg just keep getting closer. Or why does Zalon sing over Ade's line? Or wasn't that the coolest outfit except for her panties showing and a boob sticking out. Or maybe hear her take on losing Whitney and how grateful she was that she got help. On and on. We lost everything, all of it.

Phil, once again, you found the right words... what you wrote is so true. There will never be another concert, a new interview, a new picture to discuss... Like you wrote, we lost all of it.She's gone. Our favorite tortured genius is gone. Forever.

Edited by Nasha, 09 March 2012 - 03:38 AM.

[Katausa]

I know we tend to disagree on some details but I know we all agree on one thing. We just wish she never would have gone. It would be great to still be having discussions about what the Daily Mail invented this week. Or whether her ass looked bigger today or were her legs just skinnier? Or noting that she did a great job with the eyeliner today. Or maybe watch as her and Reg just keep getting closer. Or why does Zalon sing over Ade's line? Or wasn't that the coolest outfit except for her panties showing and a boob sticking out. Or maybe hear her take on losing Whitney and how grateful she was that she got help. On and on. We lost everything, all of it.

Well said.

[amysarmynow]

.........I know this territory and if Amy didn't want to quit herself, Mitch could have sent her 50 times. ...."

My long personal experience in "litigious intervention" and "militant intervention" is totally the opposite. I am certain that the notion that "you cannot save somebody who does not wanna be saved" is TOTALLY false. That false notion springs from Disease Chauvinism and WRONGFULLY makes "willpower and character" primary elements of the fix; THEY ARE NOT.

.........The biggest mistake Amy made in her life was to take her very first drink. The disease was waiting...

Science now KNOWS that is absolutely correct.

The challenge remains that there is not yet a perfect way to predict exactly who the maxim perfectly applies to. Within the next decade, that challenge will be met.

Anomalies in cell-division and "changes" in brain-chemistry and brain-physiology - which render the disease - can be "genetic" OR they can "just happen" for reasons that are not yet fully understood. Such anomalies and changes can be triggered by "the very first drink" OR they may never occur. The whitecoats are close to the answer and will soon be able to perfectly predict who is at risk and who is not; levels of risk will also be perfectly identified.

The science that FULLY supports the FACT that "addiction is a terminal disease" - which has NOTHING to do with "willpower" - has been accepted by the USA Government and by all but the least knowledgeable and most corrupt quacks.

The Disease Chauvinists are on their last gasp, but they will fight until the end and many more innocent and ignorant people will die as a result.

I have posted this here before. It contains links to the "science" that evil forces continue to contest.

http://amysarmynow.w...-deadly-menace/

Folks who are interested in both the problem and the solution will find their time well spent by wading through the "boring" science links.

.......................

Today, a lot of folks have raised the issue that AJW "contracted" to perform and, thus, "assumed the risk."

"Incompetent" persons cannot enter a valid contract in any jurisdiction that I am aware of. Through layers of corporations and paper agencies, the gangsters that profit the most from the abuse of artists like AJW, manage to avoid this universal prohibition. Until attorneys/solicitors and their insurers are held liable for facilitating such corrupt contracts, we will always be at risk of seeing Belgrade and its aftermath repeated with other artists.

.

[Miss Mermaid]

i am angry at her for not being around anymore. i want to get her and shake her.

when i saw that belgrade footage i do remember thinking that i didnt think that she would be around for very long. BUT i didnt realise it would be that quick before she died.
i also thought that she was never going to get better at this point. that the pesimist in me.

also if that belgrade didnt 'shock' her into pulling herself together once and all then nothing would have.

She wasn't totally straight at her last public appearance with Dionne. That addiction for ya.

a co worker said he saw her a week or two before she died walking down camden high street late at night with her bodyguard and said that she was out of the game. (english slang for wasted). He said that she looked pitiful. When he told me this that really depressed me. Thankfully there were no pap pix of that night.

it just rubbish all round.

lets just remember her before all of this. x

---------- Post added at 12:43 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:37 PM ----------

Today, a lot of folks have raised the issue that AJW "contracted" to perform and, thus, "assumed the risk."

"Incompetent" persons cannot enter a valid contract in any jurisdiction that I am aware of. Through layers of corporations and paper agencies, the gangsters that profit the most from the abuse of artists like AJW, manage to avoid this universal prohibition. Until attorneys/solicitors and their insurers are held liable for facilitating such corrupt contracts, we will always be at risk of seeing Belgrade and its aftermath repeated with other artists.

.

You are still relieving Amy of any responsibilty.

Her Dad recalled that she had a meeting with him and her manager and said that she wanted to go back on tour again. He asked her 'are you sure' and she said yes. So was she incompetent or competent then?
Are we saying she was competent enough to make that decision but not competent whilst on stage?
Which is ludicrous.

Personally i think that she was more than competent to make decisions - good and bad.

[Katausa]

Same here, @julieannboo. I am very sad that she's gone, but in the back of my mind I know that I'm only sad for the Amy that we lost many, many years ago. I knew better, but I still was hoping Amy could get better and somehow magically transform back into the Amy we once knew. From the ballet shoes incident back in 2007 till the day she died it seemed to me like I was watching someone crawling on the floor with no legs or arms. She didn't get anywhere, generally speaking. Of course she didn't seem ill all the time and I do think she tried to get better, but she was. I just simply fooled myself. She just wasn't there anymore. The light in her eyes was already extinguished few years ago. And that's exactly what makes me sad. The fact that she wasn't so full of life, happiness and love like she was anymore. My insides were fighting it. My mind kept telling me lies. I know that depression isn't cured over night. I fooled myself. I kept hoping for her to get really really old and have loads of kids, living in her Camden home free of drugs or any other addiction, with a man that really loved her. I didn't follow her as closely as I used to in 2011, but my love for her remained. Belgrade hit me like someone was hitting me on the back with a whip. I couldn't believe this was still going on. I was so confused and so disappointed! Nothing changed. I felt hopeless. Nobody could save my idol. She couldn't even help herself. Then, she disappeared from the media. I fooled myself into thinking she was getting better, somehow. Then when I was fully convinced that she'd live to be hundred even though she had all those demons to fight with such a frail mindset and such a destroyed body, my dad told me that Saturday that Amy 'Wheelhouse' (He can't say 'Wine') died. I couldn't believe it. I was in complete shock. I just stood there. But as he doesn't understand my love for Winehouse, I somehow got my legs to move again and I ran upstairs. I searched the internet. I found all kinds of threads and news items about Amy passing away. I couldn't believe it still. I hoped it was a hoax. Until the footage came up on our TV showing Amy being carried out of her Camden home in a body bag.


The whole experience has been like an emotional roller coaster to me. Knowing what depression and addictions do, I kept following her, and as sick as it might sound, I was slightly obsessed with her. She was like a big sister to me. I listened to her music whenever I felt down. I can say that she made my life so much easier. At some point I wasn't just a fan of her music anymore but a fan of her personality. I didn't give a damn about a third album, I wanted my Amy to get better. I wanted to see that spark in her eyes again, even though I knew she'd die. It was always in the back of my mind. Still I was so shocked when she died. It all has been very strange, really. I know I'm speaking for many more of her fans when I say that now that Amy's gone, something is lost inside me. She filled up an empty spot. She'll always be a part of my life though. But it just isn't the same. I can't even imagine what it's like for her family and friends.


I'm in this bittersweet situation right now, where I can't really decide how to feel about all this in general. It isn't Blake's fault. We can't blame anyone but Amy for becoming a train wreck and then killing herself by overdosing on alcohol. But I just still see that beautiful, innocent angel that she was. I can see her character. That angel never left, I think. It was still inside her, it just almost never showed anymore. It was hidden under a thick layer of depression and addictions. It was such a helpless story. Addiction is a serious disease. The whole Belgrade incident showed it to us, for the last time.

PS:
I really wrote a long reply.
Sorry.

Amy as I like to remember her:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DK2jA5_fNFM&feature=fvwrel

I will just leave this topic for now, as I tend to go totally off topic and I'm not really adding anything to the conversation.

Edited by Katausa, 09 March 2012 - 11:25 AM.

[Miss Mermaid]

this isn't entirely new.

remember elvis in his last year or two of his life?

especially the footage 6 weeks before he died on stage.

that tragic as well.

[pearljo]

My long personal experience in "litigious intervention" and "militant intervention" is totally the opposite. I am certain that the notion that "you cannot save somebody who does not wanna be saved" is TOTALLY false. That false notion springs from Disease Chauvinism and WRONGFULLY makes "willpower and character" primary elements of the fix; THEY ARE NOT.

It may be totally false but where is Amy? Seven rehabs should have worked. Why didn't they? Many have been in rehab a dozen times or more. They're probably snorting coke as we speak.
I said nothing about willpower and character but as my 'sober' mother once told me, sometimes you just have to stand still and suffer. Maybe a bit of willpower is needed in that case.
If people think I should drive a car but I don't want to drive, they can't make me. But if I wake up one day and I have a friend that lives 2 hours away and is very sick, my eyes may open to the reality, like it or not, that I have to drive. At that point, the game changes and I'm sure that can happen in forced rehab too.
But hey, you don't have to SCREAM.